


A Pizza Man and his Pizza Dog

by Handsome_Wounded_Duck



Series: Marvel-lous Dogs [1]
Category: Hawkeye (Comics), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Clint Barton & Kate Bishop Friendship, Clint Barton Feels, Clint Barton Needs a Hug, Deaf Clint Barton, Gen, Human Disaster Clint Barton, Marvel Universe, Matt Fraction's Hawkeye, POV Lucky the Pizza Dog, guys Lucky needs more tags, kinda sorta, seriously the lack of tags for Lucky saddens me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-06
Updated: 2019-08-06
Packaged: 2020-08-10 17:24:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20139199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Handsome_Wounded_Duck/pseuds/Handsome_Wounded_Duck
Summary: Lucky may not understand much about humans, but he knows one thing with certainty: humans are strange creatures. His favourite human in particular - Pizza Man (aka, Clint Barton) - is the strangest of all. And boy, does Lucky love him for it.(Just a simple story from Lucky's perspective, because Matt Fraction's Hawkeye issue #11 is an amazing idea that I wanted to have fun with)





	A Pizza Man and his Pizza Dog

**Author's Note:**

> Forgive me, but this isn't entirely canon to Matt Fraction's run on Hawkeye. I'm just borrowing Fraction's take on the characters and running with it, and since issue #11 was such a fun concept, I thought I'd take a shot at writing from the perspective of our favourite Pizza Dog.

[🏹🍕💄]

Humans are strange creatures...

Lucky rests his head upon his paws, curled up next to the couch of his home. Though his muzzle is pointed towards the windows (the night sky illuminated by city lights) his one good eye is actually fixed upon Pizza Man, who is currently sprawled across the couch, head buried beneath a pillow as soft snores radiate from him. Pizza Man was watching the black box with moving pictures (words in dark rectangles beneath them) but it's nothing but background static now as the blonde man clad in purple is deep into his sleep.

The hand that pets. The man of arrows. Food, coffee, chewy shoes and the feeling of home. Pizza Man is his favourite human, and Lucky his canine companion.

Lucky curls a little further into himself until he's in just the right position, before resuming his mid-day nap... That is, until there's the sound of keys jangling outside the door.

An ear quirks upwards as Lucky's muzzle snaps towards the direction of the door, nose frantically sniffing the air to determine just who has approached. Familiar smells waft through the crack beneath the door, the Labrador dragging himself onto his four paws. Nap time can wait; Lucky's head pokes through the gap in the purple curtains that separate two areas of his home, looking out at the front room and the kitchen as his mocha eye fixes upon Lipstick.

Arrows, coffee, flowers, alcohol and as always, subtle yet obvious makeup. As her blue eyes scan the room, Lipstick is clad in her usual get-up of purples and blues, sunglasses atop her raven hair that's tied back in an efficient pony tail. She opens her mouth, calling out something as she closes the door, followed by confusion and worry written across her expression. Lucky too tilts his head to mimic her emotions, but quickly eases up as Lipstick slides a hand across his head, Lucky's tongue lolling out in a pleased grin. Lipstick is also a hand that pets, but not as much as Pizza Man.

Lipstick grips the long bow within her second hand tighter as her sapphire hues glare at something upon the kitchen counter, before the petting slips away. After letting out a soft whine of disappointment, Lucky's eye curiously drifts to the counter top, the dog trotting over to it as his tail wags in anticipation. Placing his paws upon one of the kitchen stalls, the mocha eye lands upon the object of Lipstick's frustrations: a curly purple object, metal in it's design. Parts of the metal seem jagged and out of place, and a very faint buzzing sound emits from the foreign object - foreign, and yet, it also smells of Pizza Man.

Lucky tilts his head in confusion towards the curly object. He's about to sniff it to decipher more clues, but there's a sudden thud beyond the curtain. Angry and sleepy voices follow, Lucky dashing over to the now open curtains, standing where they once were as he observes the scene before him. Pizza Man is sprawled across the floor (that's splattered with screwed up clothes and open empty pizza boxes) whilst Lipstick scowls down at him with her hands on her hips.

"No ⍙⍜⋏⎅⟒⍀ you ⍙⟒⍀⟒⋏'⏁ ⏃⋏⌇⍙⟒⍀⟟⋏☌ ⋔⊬ calls! ☊⌰⟟⋏⏁, I ⍙⏃⌇ worried ⏃⏚⍜⎍⏁ you, you idiot." Lipstick's voice matches her furious expression, though there's concern laced within it "Where ⍙⟒⍀⟒ you?"

"Aww, ☍⏃⏁⟟⟒, no..." Pizza Man rubs at his forehead, eyebrows furrowing, before a yawn slips past his lips. A lazy hand fumbles for one of the dotted pink pillows that (Lucky assumes) fell to the floor with him, "☍⏃⏁⟟⟒, ☊'⋔⍜⋏, I ⟊⎍︎⌇︎⏁︎ ☌︎⍜︎⏁︎ off ⏁⍜ sleep, ⏃⋏⎅-"

"You sleep ⏃︎⌰︎⌰︎ ⏁︎⊑︎⟒︎ ⏁︎⟟︎⋔︎⟒︎!" Lipstick interrupts him with a snap, "Don't ⏁⍀⊬ ⏁⍜ dodge ⋔⊬ ⍾⎍⟒⌇⏁⟟⍜⋏, Barton!"

Pizza Man freezes, hand an inch away from the pillow, teal eyes now focused on Lipstick's face, "...What □︎⎅⟟⎅ I ⎅⍜ wrong?"

"[A human vet?] ⏃⌿⌿⍜⟟⋏⏁⋔⟒⋏⏁." Her hands slip off of her hips, Lipstick straightening up, crossing her arms over her chest, "You ⍙⟒⍀⟒ ⌇⎍⌿⌿⍜⌇⟒⎅ ⏁⍜ go ⏁⍜ ⏁⊑⟒ [the vet-ish thing] ⏃⌿⌿⍜⟟⋏⏁⋔⟒⋏⏁ ⏁⊑⟟⌇ ⋔⍜⍀⋏⟟⋏☌, ⏃⏁ eight thirty ⏁⍜ ⏚⟒ ⟒⌖⏃☊⏁. ☌⎍⟒⌇⌇ what time ⟟⏁ ⟟⌇ now, ☊⌰⟟⋏⏁?"

Pushing his elbows against the floor, Pizza Man sits up a little, eyebrows furrowed in slight frustration. He tilts his head to the side, Lucky recognising the gesture as confusion, teal gaze squinting in the direction of Lipstick's lips, "I... What? ⌇⍜⋔⟒⏁⊑⟟⋏☌ ⏃⏚⍜⎍⏁ ⏃ [Vet-ish]...?"

Lipstick sighs, her head drooping, "Sorry, ⟟'⋔ still ⋏⍜⏁ ⎍⌇⟒⎅ ⏁⍜..." She drifts off mid noise, crouching down beside Pizza Man, staring at her hands. She moves them in some weird sort of clunky gestures, Pizza Man only seeming to become more confused, before Lipstick sighs in annoyance, hands dropping to her sides, "⋏⟒⎐⟒⍀⋔⟟⋏⎅..." She then repeats the noises that she made earlier: "You ⍙⟒⍀⟒ ⋔⟒⏃⋏⏁ ⏁⍜ ⌇⟒⟒ your [Vet-ish] ⏃⏁ eight thirty. You missed your ⏃⌿⌿⍜⟟⋏⏁⋔⟒⋏⏁... _again_. ⏁⊑⏃⏁'⌇ three times now."

Pizza Man's eyes light up in realisation... before he flops to the floor once more, reaching for his pillow. He mumbles something that Lucky understands nothing from, but the expression on Pizza Man's face tells the dog all he needs to know: his favourite human wants to curl up and hide, wants to sleep and sleep and sleep and probably down an entire jug of coffee. Lucky's tail slowly begins to wag, because a sleepy Pizza Man means more pizza for Lucky... But Lipstick scowls again, even gritting her teeth in frustration as she swipes the second pillow from the couch and hits Pizza Man over the head with it. Lucky's tail immediately curls between his legs, ears flattening against his head as their noises progress to shouts, before turning away and heading back into the room with the kitchen.

Lucky pads towards the stairs, about to make a hasty retreat into the bedroom until the yelling stops, but he finds himself drawn to that odd curly object upon the kitchen counter-top again. Trotting over, Lucky's paws rest once more atop the coal black kitchen stool as his muzzle gently nudges the purple object, sniffing intensely at the metal.

Being a dog and all, Lucky can smell further beyond the first layer of scents from this foreign object. He can smell beyond the stench of Pizza Man written all over it, discovering what lies beneath, and possibly how on Earth this mangled thing is attached to his favourite human.

**Sniff sniff...** clinical stench, six days old...

**Sniff sniff... **that man who's scent is similar to Pizza Man... maybe they're related? Five days old...

**Sniff sniff... **Lucky softly growls - it's the Russian bro's: Bad News Kick and Bad News Hit. Four days old...

**Sniff sniff...** Traces of blood alongside the Russian bro's:

_Pizza Man's blood._

Lucky softly snarls, ears flickering back to lie flat against his skull. How dare those evil bro's hurt Pizza Man! Lucky nudges the curly object rather aggressively in his rage, the object sent flying through the air. It clatters to the floor somewhere, but Lucky doesn't bother to register this noise - instead, his ears perk up in surprise at an even louder sound.

**SLAM! **The front door of Lucky's home is once again closed, but this time, Pizza Man's hands are pressed against it. Sounds are slipping past his lips, speaking in a loud tone that slowly increases it's levels of panic, said emotion strewn all over Pizza Man's face. Then his lips close... open one last time for a whimpered "☍⏃⏁⟟⟒..." before Pizza Man rests a forearm against the door, head lying against it as he screws his eyes up tight, an expression of sorrowful pain upon his features.

Footsteps are faintly retreating down the corridor. Lucky's muzzle sniffs the air - Lipstick is gone.

Pizza Man continues to lean against the door for a moment or two, before sliding down to the floor, his back now pressed against the wood. The blonde man draws his legs up to his chest, hugging them tightly to himself as he buries his head in his knees. Lucky cocks his own head to the side, ears drooping in concern, stepping beside his favourite human.

_What's wrong, boy? _Lucky softly whines, tail curled between his legs again. _What's wrong?_

No response. A gentle paw nudges his human's side, and Pizza Man's golden tufts rise up slightly, teary teal eyes peering out from his knees to glance at the one eyed dog. His face softens, eyes shimmering from their wetness as he reaches a hand towards his companion, the dog sitting beside him as Pizza Man softly ruffles Lucky's head behind his ears.

"Good boy."

Lucky's mouth drops open in a grin, tongue lolling out. The Labrador takes the opportunity to begin to lovingly lick his favourite human's face, laughter escaping from Pizza Man as he gently pushes Lucky away, continuing to pet him afterwards. A tiny smile graces his lips, blonde hair gently resting against Lucky's shoulder, the dog in turn resting his chin against the human's own shoulder.

"Aww, Lucky..." Pizza Man softly mumbles, arms moving to wrap around his dog, "⌇⍜⋔⟒⏁⟟⋔⟒⌇ ⟟ ⎎⟒⟒⌰ ⌰⟟☍⟒ you're ⋔⊬ only friend ⟟⋏ ⏁⊑⟒ ⍙⊑⍜⌰⟒ world..."

[💤🍕💤]

Humans are also unpredictable creatures.

Pizza Man has not left the bed all day. He's not even sleeping - he's just lying there, not making a sound or moving a muscle... or remembering that a certain pooch would like to eat something. Lucky managed to score himself some breakfast regardless, simply making his way through the window his human left open onto the fire escape, taking the quick and easy trip down the stairs to the treasure trove of garbage below. Cold delicious pizza for days! It's the only reason Lucky doesn't feel bad about missing dinner. However, he's not standing beside Pizza Man's bed because he wants to be fed; no, it's because he's concerned.

Weird things have been happening lately. Lipstick usually shows up at least once every two days, but she's been gone for the past three weeks. That first week, there were a few days where Pizza Man would vanish for hours on end, which Lucky didn't mind so much (as he's kinda used to it considering his favourite human disappears with his bows and arrows all the time). But what he did mind was half way through week two, when the walks suddenly stopped.

Lucky used to be walked at least once every two days (usually when Lipstick reminded Pizza Man, or when Lucky reminded his favourite human himself by dropping his lead in front of his feet). But now he hasn't been walked once since the first day Pizza Man told him no, and the Labrador can't help but wonder why. He doesn't think he's done something wrong, otherwise Pizza Man would have told him off. Lucky also knows this because he sneaks himself outside via the fire exit stairs all the time, and yet he hasn't been scorned once for doing so. So clearly it's not Lucky that's banned from walks...

_It's Pizza Man._

Pizza Man must have been a bad human; Lipstick must have banned him from walkies for a very long time. Or, something like that... Lucky doesn't really know the human equivalent. After all, although Pizza Man sleeps a lot, he is usually at least somewhat active... so why has he not left his bed for the past three days?

Lucky's human had got up to lug a drink and some pizza slices to his bed, but that's all the movement that he's done these past days. In fact, today, he hasn't even grabbed himself a box of pizza! How can Pizza Man live without the best food in the world? Surely this must be stopped!

This sounds like a job for the Pizza Dog!

Tail wagging high with confidence, Lucky strolls over to the lilac double bed, bounding onto the end of it. There's a muffled groan from Pizza Man where his head is buried beneath violet polka-dot pillows, but the man remains in his curled up position, reminding Lucky of that hedgehog he saw once. Regardless, the Labrador lets out a bark to grab his human's attention, tail wagging faster as he steps beside Pizza Man, barking thrice down at him in excitement. Lucky bows on the bed, front legs stretched out in front of him as he arches his back, panting happily. Perhaps a little bit of play will spark something from Pizza Man?

...Apparently not, as he curls further into his hedgehog ball.

Lucky shuts his mouth, grin vanishing, but quickly re-gathers his spirits. He must keep trying - he must! So he barks again, nudging his muzzle against one of Pizza Man's arms that lie beside his body, licking his exposed hand. Lucky knows that licking usually makes his human laugh, so of course this will work!

Pizza Man yanks his arm away, grumbling some sort of complaint, before hiding his arms beneath the covers along with the rest of his body.

Lucky's tail freezes, his ears perking upward as he stares at his human in surprise, before they droop as the Labrador lowers his head, tail dropping down too.

_Something is very, very wrong._

And that's when Lucky smells it. A scent all too familiar - a scent that sparks both rage and fear within the dog.

Bad News Kick and Bad News Hit; they're here! They're in the corridor outside! And Pizza Man is defenceless in this state...

_Lucky cannot let them hurt him again._

Growling lowly, Lucky moves to the end of the bed (to avoid stepping on Pizza Man) before springing off of it, heading down the stairs with a determined glint in his eye. Pausing at the bottom of the stairs, Lucky fixes his gaze upon the front door, hunched like a predator preparing to pounce upon it's prey. The movement outside continues, the musky smell of the Russian bro's gets stronger... before the door rattles with a knock, followed by curses and a few "bro" 's.

Lucky snarls, hurling himself at the door, leaping up at it as he barks savagely, claws scratching against the wood. He wants to attack - wants to chase the evil bro's away - but he can't when the door is locked like this. The Russian's should consider themselves lucky: they would have been in for hell if the Labrador could just get through to them.

There's the sound of a gasp on the other side, steps that signal a small retreat from the door... before the curses and the "bro" 's continue, a word that Lucky recognises joining the mix: Hawkeye. The word that nasty people call Pizza Man. Lucky's snarling increases, the Labrador stepping back from the door just to unleash bark after bark after bark upon it, determined to scare away the evil bro's. Or, at the very least, to alert his favourite human to danger.

...Though, Pizza Man still hasn't left his bed...

The door shakes again, the sound of metal scraping against metal registering within Lucky's ears, before suddenly... the door swings open.

_Okay..._

Three Russian's step into the room, clad in tracksuits and armed with guns. Lucky's snarling falters slightly, memories of how hard those hands would strike him and those feet would kick him flashing within his mind... before he puts on a brave face and barks like mad.

_This looks bad..._

"⊑︎⟒︎⊬︎, Hawkeye, bro!" Bad News Kick calls out, "⏁︎⊑︎⟟︎⌇︎ ⟟︎⌇︎ ⎎︎⍜︎⍀︎ your ⌰⟟︎⏁︎⏁︎⌰︎⟒︎ ⋔︎⟟︎⌇︎⌇︎ Hawkeye Two, bro! ⎎︎⍜︎⍀︎ ⎎︎⎍︎☊︎☍⟟⋏︎☌︎ up ⍜⎍⍀ plans, bro!"

Brave face Lucky. Don't freeze up Lucky. Keep. Barking. Lucky!

"Bro!" Bad News Kick points at Lucky with a smirk.

Must save Pizza Man.

"☍⟟⌰⌰ ⏁⊑⟒ dog, bro! ! ☌⟒⏁ Arrow!" Bad News Hit (stood beside Kick) nods in response.

Must save Pizza Man.

Hit raises his gun as Lucky rushes forward, fangs barred.

Must. Save. Pizza Man!

The scream of a car horn echoes in the Labrador's mind, the burning blaze of headlights, the skidding of wheels on tarma-

**BANG!**

"LUCKY!"

**BANG! THWAKK! BANG!**

"BRO!"

**Thwakk... bang... thwakk... th... wakk...**

_When I say this looks "bad"? I promise you, it feels worse._

[🍕]

Humans can be really scary creatures...

Lucky wakes up with a startled yelp, legs thrashing against the floor in a running motion, though they immediately tense up as the Labrador is reminded of his injuries. Several bandages are wrapped around his legs and his body, each hiding a slightly healed bullet wound beneath it. Honestly, the dog is just glad he lived up to his name: he's lucky that most of the bullets actually missed his head, instead littering the wall opposite the apartment door with holes that still haven't been filled in.

"Shhh..." a comforting voice soothes Lucky, a familiar calloused hand gently smoothing over the fur on his head, "⟟⏁'⌇ alright, boy. You're okay good boy."

Lucky's tail starts to lightly thump against the wooden floor, the Labrador lifting up his head to rest it on the knee of Pizza Man, whom the dog is snuggled up beside. Pizza Man softly smiles, continuing to comfort his dog with long soothing strokes as he turns his head back to the black box with moving pictures, eyes focused on the words in the dark rectangles.

Ever since the Russian bro's visited the apartment two weeks ago, Pizza Man hasn't left Lucky's side. At least, he didn't for the first week - he moved from the bed to the couch just to make sure he's in the same room as Lucky, and if the dog needed anything, he'd make sure to tend to his needs. On the following weekend, Pizza Man left Lucky alone for a little bit, before carrying the dog upstairs to the rooftop, where Lucky was overwhelmed by the pleasant smells of hot dogs, burgers, and a variety of other delicious treats. Loving hands gave him many pets, Lucky making sure to share the love with many licks, anyone who received said licks laughing with joy in response.

"Aww, look ⏃⏁ ⊑⟟⋔!" Some of the humans would praise him, accompanied with hundreds of pets, "⌇︎⎍︎☊︎⊑︎ ⏃︎ good boy, ⏃︎⍀︎⟒︎⋏︎'︎⏁︎ you? ⌇︎⎍︎☊︎⊑︎ ⏃︎ brave hero, ⌇︎⏁︎⏃︎⋏︎⎅︎⟟︎⋏︎☌︎ up ⏁︎⍜︎ ⏁︎⊑︎⍜︎⌇︎⟒︎ Russian's ⎎︎⍜︎⍀︎ Hawk-guy?"

...But what Lucky enjoyed the most about that weekend was hearing Pizza Man chuckle like he used to, grinning even as they said their goodbyes and returned downstairs to their home.

From the looks of it, Pizza Man was back to his sleepy, coffee-loving, pizza-eating self. Even his shoes are being used once again (walks have re-started!) making them ripe for chewing.

Ah, how Lucky missed this. He loves nothing more than to curl up next to his favourite human, closing his eye and allowing the rest of the world to drift away. His senses are full of nothing but the smell of coffee beans, the leftover taste of pizza and the occasional laugh from Pizza Man when the black box works it's magic.

_Lucky wouldn't trade this life for the world._

Though the Labrador doesn't pay too much attention, he feels Pizza Man shift slightly, before the small rectangle version of the black box is in his hand. Pizza Man taps his fingers against it, human words appearing upon the screen, before he waits, staring intently at the rectangle's light with a slight tenseness about him. Lucky half opens his eye to check on his favourite human, his blurry vision thinking that he recognises a tiny picture of Lipstick in one corner of the screen, before the rectangle softly buzzes in Pizza Man's hand, more human words appearing. Pizza Man breathes out a sigh of relief, relaxing once more, ruffling Lucky's fur with glee. His favourite human says some words of pleasant surprise, and the Labrador takes it as a sign to lower his head and return to the land of nap-time.

Wagging tail slowing in speed, Lucky lets out a yawn as he relaxes his head against Pizza Man's knee, more than happy to drift back to sleep with his human's comforting hand running softly through his fur. It doesn't matter if he has another nightmare - Pizza Man will be right by his side to help him out, just as Lucky would do the same for him when he needs a loving lick or two.

...Not all humans are loving creatures, but Pizza Man is the most loving of all.

[🏹🍕]

**Author's Note:**

> For those who wonder exactly what the humans are saying, you can actually translate the nonsense. It's written using this translator " https://lingojam.com/AlienLanguage ", so if you really want to know, then just start plugging everything into the 'alien language' bit, and the English translation will appear on top of it. Trust me, you ain't missing out on much tho.
> 
> P.S: I'm trying to find an 'alien language' (like the one used) that doesn't use emojis so that it's less distracting when read over, but I'm really struggling. If someone could find me a non-human language that doesn't use emojis (both for computer users and mobile users) please comment a link to it below, and I'll switch the spoken text to that language for easier reading. Thank you!


End file.
